About Me

Growing up as a girl of the 1970s (hard to believe eh??!!), I was socially conditioned to be NICE, to be polite, smile, speak when spoken to, be seen and not heard....

My validation came from being a "good girl", doing what was expected of me without question- why would I question it?  Friends were doing the same.  It was the norm at the time.  People didn’t talk about their feelings. They seemed to be content with their lot.  

 

I don’t remember ever being encouraged to do great things or to break the mould and I didn’t see other people do these things either.  It was best to be safe, not to take risks, to do the norm.  Go to school, get a safe job, live close by...I was also painfully shy and would blush uncontrollably if someone spoke to me (and I don't mean a pretty blush- a full on bright red flush from my chest up!)  This made me very reluctant to speak up in class and I dreaded my name being called out as all attention would then be on me. 

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As a result, like so many other women, I grew up feeling unseen, unheard, unworthy of opinions.  This was compounded by my being empathetic and worrying about everyone else's feelings.  However I had a yearning for more.  I had a group of really close friends at secondary school.  We were inseparable and I remember lots of laughter when we were together. It would have been very easy to stay at home and go to a nearby university but I chose to break away and travel to England to start my nursing degree.  Off I went with a little trepidation and lots of excitement, my first time on an aeroplane, maybe second time on a train, one duffel bag with all my worldly goods! 

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Going to university was a positive experience for me.

I felt strong, positive, I was pushed out of my comfort zone all the time, speaking to all sorts of people through

nursing.  I still hated speaking up in class and remember a particularly awful presentation where I totally blanked for what felt like hours!  I had another group of  close friends, a great social life and even managed to earn my degree!

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One big drawback throughout my life is that in romantic relationships I didn't set my boundaries.  In fact, I don't think it even occurred to me that my feelings and wants mattered.  I remember lots of disappointments in my relationships.  I lost myself without realising it, choosing instead to put my partner's needs before my own.  In fact, I chose my partners just because they liked me and I felt comfortable. If a man wanted to really get to know me I ran because it felt so alien to me.

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This all led to me to relationships where I ignored red flags.  By the time I had realised that I couldn't make it better, I had had years of gaslighting, walking on eggshells, and hurt behind me.  I had become more isolated from people until  I eventually found the courage to leave.

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The next few years I soaked up information- reading self-help/empowerment books, podcasts, research, journaling.  I gained so much understanding, especially of my role in these relationships.  I feel that the universe would have kept sending me the lessons until I learnt from them.  And I wouldn't change a thing because of how much I have grown.

 

It seemed that everywhere I looked there were other women in very similar situations.  I naturally helped and guided where I could, understanding that everyone has to follow their own path when the time is right.

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It was during this that I discovered life coaching.  I feel that this is my path- this is how I could help other women find their power.  This is what my life lessons have led me to do.

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During the training I learnt lots about myself.  Every lesson called on me to examine my own belief systems, how I see the world and how this affects my actions.  I have also benefitted from some eye-opening coaching myself. 

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Today I am learning to express my needs and set healthy boundaries.  I can't say I have mastered this yet, as I often revert to my old ways. But it is a work in progress and I now have the benefit of understanding my behaviour.  I can help other women find their power so they can live their most authentic life.

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I would love to help you too.  If you think empowerment coaching could help you then let's talk and see how it feels to lose the shackles of people-pleasing and discover your true self.